Ever since my little Kirsten has started crawling there has been something weighing heavily on my mind more than ever. I am seriously considering quitting my job and becoming a full-time Mom.
Before getting married and pregnant I had always hoped that when I was in this situation that I would have the luxury of being able to stay home and raise my children. Luckily I am in that situation, but I also in a job that I truly enjoy and would definitely miss. So while pregnant I decided that I would just take the maximum amount of time off allowed, which was 12 weeks, before coming back. Making the returning to work decision wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be because I didn't know what to expect. But it wound up being maybe the hardest thing I have ever done. And just like everyone said it would, it got easier over time to leave my precious little girl at daycare. And luckily we found a place one short mile from our office so I am able to feel secure knowing that she is so close to me.
I have already decided that I will definitely not be working when we have our second child. It just doesn't make any sense to with the cost of daycare for two small children. But, with Kirsten starting to crawl about a month ago and now she is pulling up and cruising alongside of things, my heart is breaking that I have been missing all these months of my baby being a baby and now she is almost a toddler. I don't want to miss anything else! Not only that but in the past several weeks she has become very attached to me and has started to cry when I leave the room. And now when I drop her off at daycare she begins to cry and hold her tiny little arms our reaching for me. Its just the most heart wrenching thing ever!
But on the other hand, she is having so much fun at her school with the other babies. They have lots of activities and the director sends me photos frequently of them during circle and story time. And it wont be long before our family grows and I will be at home with her. I also know it is also really good for her to have this time away from me to help her gain independence and socialize with other children. Everyone there is always telling me how she is such a happy baby and she does nothing but smile all day long.
*Sigh*
So maybe I should just be patient and go with our initial decision of waiting until we have our second child before I stay home. It wont be too terribly long from now and then I can better plan my escape from work without feeling overly guilty about leaving my boss high and dry. Did I mention that my boss is expecting triplets this fall? Yikes. So I figure once I get pregnant again, I will probably work up until I am about 6-7 months along. Once I get into the third trimester there are a lot of things that make my job difficult so I may as well leave by then. That will give my boss plenty of notice and time to find someone new and for them to be trained, which will be a huge task in itself.
I was hoping this blog would help me sort through my thoughts and come to a decision. But it really hasn't... I am still debating. I wish I wasn't such an indecisive person, I annoy myself sometimes. : )
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5 comments:
My dear cousin, how much do you want me to say? :-)
I'm sure you've figured out through reading my blog that I am pro-SAHM all the way - sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice in order to be the mommy at home. These little ones only have one chance at being little, and we only have one chance to watch them grow up - once it is gone, it is gone.
I worked from the time Michael was 6 mos old until he was 2 1/2 years old, but only part time - twenty hours a week. I could not believe how much I missed, even though I was with him more than most working moms! (Part of that time was at night, the other part of the time Michael was with a friend.)
God works in mysterious ways - he gave me a boss that was absolutely horrid - oh, pure pure evil. I lasted 7 months before giving my notice to see if we could afford for me to SAH full-time, and the week I gave my notice, we found out Emily was on her way. That sealed the deal for us - I've contemplated, even recently, returning to work - but David & I are certain that me being home with the kids is the right thing.
For us, life is too short to take the chance of not being there. We never know what tomorrow might hold, and we don't want to have any regrets later in life.
And I must admit, it is very encouraging when Michael tells me I am the "very bestest homemade mommy ever", and Emily tells me thank you "for being with me".
No one can make the choice for you. It is yours alone. Trust your heart, trust God - and you won't go wrong. We'll be praying for you - and remember, whatever you decide, it will be blessed and it will be the right decision for YOU - regardless of what anyone else says about it.
{{{Love & Hugs}}}
You have a hard decision to make.
I would not change the last 5 years I had with Mckalyn and I am so lucky to still be able to stay at home with both of them now.
Hi Renee!
I came here via your sweet cousin Laura's blog.
I don't know that anything I could/should/would say will help, but I wanted to leave a note... in hopes that it might somehow help.
[BTW, before I forget... just had to mention that my parents live in SW Fort Worth and my sis & her family live in Crowley. -- Me? I'm in Tennessee.]
I'm 37, and I have stayed home with our children from about one month before our first child was born in Feb. 2000 until now. As a homeschool mom, I plan/hope to stay home with them until they leave the nest. There've been times when I've felt like I don't get enough time away from them, but somehow, I make it through... probably with a LOT of help from the Lord. Seriously, His grace is always sufficient -- even when I don't see it or recognize it or acknowledge it.
My husband has a job in a Christian ministry, so we don't receive a super-big salary. However, I'm truly blessed to have a husband who wants me to stay home and who encourages me in that... as much as a man can. (ha!)
If you have the financial means to stay home, I say, "Stay home, please!" Day care staff are over-worked and underpaid; and as much love and care as some of them give, they cannot replace you. As I'm sure you're full aware, they may be the first to:
*see her walk
*hear her say "Ma-ma" & "Da-da"
*sing her a certain nursery rhyme (which you may have forgotten about until you hear your daughter trying to sing it)
*etc.
I hope you won't take any of what I've said in the wrong way. It's meant to be in Christian love... even though I'm not too eloquent with words. :)
Blessings to you!
Renee'
You do have a huge decision to make! Bless your heart, I can only imagine how hard it must be, you are at a crossroads here.
I've been blessed to stay home with my children for the last 6 years. As you know I babysat for awhile, I also worked part-time (10hours per week)at a preschool that Abby attended starting at the age of 3. I have loved being a stay at home mome, I'm sure you are aware of the pros to staying home, so I won't list them out for you, but I admit I do find myself envious from time to time, of all the working moms. When you are a stay at home mom, your job NEVER ends. It never stops, you don't get 2 seconds to make a phone call or use the restroom alone. I can't count how many times I have gone to the bathroom with a screaming child outside the door, their fingers underneath wiggling as if the might actually pull it open.
When I was pregnant with Abby I had envisioned a home-school like setting, full of educational activies & mommy playgroups, I soon realized that my only job during the day wasn't just to tend to the kids, but to cook each meal/clean up, do laundry, keep the house tidy (it gets much messier when you're there all day!)
It is hard to have a day filled with fun child friendly activies & keep everything in control (can you tell I'm a control-freak at heart?) I hope you don't think that I'm trying to persuade you in either direction, I'm more or less trying to offer an objective opinion. But, one bit of advice I offer with only the best of intentions, is that if you decide to stay home, get ready to go with the flow & know that it will be much harder to stick to a nice schedule, when you are the only one impplementing it. You get tired, you begin to slack, laundry might pile up, etc etc. (When I say you, I'm really speaking of myself...haha)
I wish you the best of luck in your decision! I'm sure she would love to have her mommy home all day, but will never hold it against you for working and providing for your family.
Shantell
It's a tough one!
What does your husband think about this?
I have read all the comments and I would like to say that I too don't want to offend...
But to cut to the chase, give up the paid work. Your boss can replace you.
You are going to go anyway, so if it is in agreement with your husband, leave soon and enjoy your gorgeous baby!!!
Ruth
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